Blogospohere, I have conflicted feelings. Pablo is Gone. Relieved as I am that my nemesis has vacated the premises, I can't help but wonder why he has a home with a human and a desk, and I do not. I hope that this phenomenon is not a result of my... direct manner. Should I be more conciliatory? Has my acid wit diminished my appeal? I will now make an effort to be more less critical and generally more amiable.
Here goes... Let's see... Did you see the sunrise this morning? Very nice. Lots of pink...
What else... What's in the news?... Lady Gaga is expected to be the popular choice for this year's trick-or-treaters. Very interesting. When I see the direction of popular culture I feel very... encouraged and optimistic...
Alrighty, other positive things to say...
Primary Human got a new haircut... quite fetching.
SDKJGH :z.sjdn gk;sdnjgl;zsj!!!!!!!!
I can't do this!!!
I'm sorry, Blogosphere, I tried!
I did not see the sunrise, as the view from the shelter is quite un-spectacular.
Had the position of Archenemies not already been filled by Pablo--adopted or not--I would choose Top 40 Inane Pablum as my enemy--Lady Gaga included! Cultural icon indeed. I could wrap myself in a shower curtain and pontificate about ill-thought relationships, interspersed with random noises.
Finally, Primary Human is ridiculous. I'm not sure she even brushes her hair.
Ahhh, that's better.
Sorry, Blogosphere. I tried. If you'll forgive the cliche, I have to be me. Hopefully, there is someone out there who will appreciate that.
Wednesday, October 27, 2010
Friday, October 15, 2010
I am beneficial to your health.
It is well documented that people who have one or more pets have greater longevity and overall health than those without animal companions. I am an animal companion, so it only seems reasonable to deduce that I am beneficial to your health-- you just don't know it yet.
Blogoshpere, I need a home. Don't worry, I'm not about to hit you with images of us poor, lonely shelter animals; but it is high time someone recognize my splendid qualities, take me to a nice, quiet home--with a desk--and lavish on me the love, attention, and crunchies I crave.
In return for this, I can promise you the following:
1) I will never complain to you about my day.
2) I will not be remotely concerned about your personal affairs that are none of my business, ie: how much time you spend on Face Book, reality shows you watch, science experiments in your fridge, whether or not your ______ is/are natural, what kind of car you drive, or anything involving your personal credit and/or hygiene. Give me food, shelter, care, and love (and a desk) and I don't care about the rest.
3) I will not bark at visitors.
4) I will not leave my socks on the floor, or toilet seat up.
5) I will keep my Reggae music at a reasonable volume.
Blogosphere, I don't mean to complain--but it is time for me to get out of this shelter. Don't get me wrong, they take good care of us, but my personal growth is being stifled. How can I try new foods surrounded by sandwich-munching nitwits? The radio station of my life is stuck on 'Easy Listeneng'. It's time for the next stage of my life to begin, Blogosphere. If you are my soul mate, please respond ASAP.
Blogoshpere, I need a home. Don't worry, I'm not about to hit you with images of us poor, lonely shelter animals; but it is high time someone recognize my splendid qualities, take me to a nice, quiet home--with a desk--and lavish on me the love, attention, and crunchies I crave.
In return for this, I can promise you the following:
1) I will never complain to you about my day.
2) I will not be remotely concerned about your personal affairs that are none of my business, ie: how much time you spend on Face Book, reality shows you watch, science experiments in your fridge, whether or not your ______ is/are natural, what kind of car you drive, or anything involving your personal credit and/or hygiene. Give me food, shelter, care, and love (and a desk) and I don't care about the rest.
3) I will not bark at visitors.
4) I will not leave my socks on the floor, or toilet seat up.
5) I will keep my Reggae music at a reasonable volume.
Blogosphere, I don't mean to complain--but it is time for me to get out of this shelter. Don't get me wrong, they take good care of us, but my personal growth is being stifled. How can I try new foods surrounded by sandwich-munching nitwits? The radio station of my life is stuck on 'Easy Listeneng'. It's time for the next stage of my life to begin, Blogosphere. If you are my soul mate, please respond ASAP.
Thursday, October 7, 2010
I told you!
Blogoshphere, did I call it?
Last week, I underwent I minor procedure-- don't worry, I am fine, and recovering well. At any rate, my arch nemesis, Pablo, seized his opportunity to strike. Knowing my guard was down, as I recovered from the effects of anesthetic, he managed to extract from me the information necessary to invade my blog!
You may be wondering why I have not removed his post. Well, I believe it is proof that what I said previously was true. I do intend, however, to respond to this offense, point by point:
1) Pablo has no honour to defend.
2) He is evil-- hence the hacking. Furthermore, have you ever heard of anyone who speaks in the third person who wasn't evil?!
3) I make no contest to the point that Pablo loves nothing more than to eat-- you saw the photo.
4) I am neither fearful, nor insecure, nor certainly-- and it pains me to even type these ineloquent words--'a big smelly pants'.
Rest assured, Blogosphere, I have addressed the security concerns of my blog, and have no intention of letting down my guard again.
Last week, I underwent I minor procedure-- don't worry, I am fine, and recovering well. At any rate, my arch nemesis, Pablo, seized his opportunity to strike. Knowing my guard was down, as I recovered from the effects of anesthetic, he managed to extract from me the information necessary to invade my blog!
You may be wondering why I have not removed his post. Well, I believe it is proof that what I said previously was true. I do intend, however, to respond to this offense, point by point:
1) Pablo has no honour to defend.
2) He is evil-- hence the hacking. Furthermore, have you ever heard of anyone who speaks in the third person who wasn't evil?!
3) I make no contest to the point that Pablo loves nothing more than to eat-- you saw the photo.
4) I am neither fearful, nor insecure, nor certainly-- and it pains me to even type these ineloquent words--'a big smelly pants'.
Rest assured, Blogosphere, I have addressed the security concerns of my blog, and have no intention of letting down my guard again.
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